Unpopular opinion,but one that needs a seat at the table.
We speak often - and rightly so - about how hard. Parenting is. About the sleepless nights, the emotional labour, the constant worry. But not enough people talk about how hard it is to be some one’s child, too - especially when you’re deep in the trenches of raising your own.
I am living both lives right now.
I am a parent - juggling routines, managing moods, showing up even when I feel completely emptied out. But I am also still a child - a daughter who still aches. To be there for her own parents, especially as they age and life throws new challenges their way.
When we were living in Chennai, this duality felt a little more maneageable. Our parents were close by. We could take them to their doctor’s appointments drop in for a quick check, hold their hand in a moment of fear or frailty. There was proximity. There was presence.
Now, things have changed.
When one of the in-law had a recent health issue, it sent my spouse rushing to be by their side. And just days before that my parent went through a surgery and here I was miles away, helpless, torn between being a good mother and a good daughter, and feeling like I was somehow falling short at both.
This is the quiet grief of adulthood.
We grow up, we move cities or countries, build our own families, chase dreams, And then one day, we realize the people who once held us are now the ones who need holding.
Nobody prepares us for this shift.
No one teaches you how to parent your children while slowly stepping into a caregiving role for your parents. How to clam your child’s tantrum while worrying if your mother took her medicine.
How to smile through your kid’s school performance while knowing your dad is alone in a hospital bed.
It’s a strange, in-between space. A quite ache.
You love both ends of this bridge fiercely, but walking across it every day is exhausting.
You feel pulled, stretched, emotionally disoriented.
So I am asking - not with a perfect answer, but with an open heart -
If you have been here too…..
How do you cope?
How do you live with the guilt of not being able to be everywhere at once?
How do you support your parents from afar, without losing your own sense of peace?
How do you care for your children with intention, when a part of you is constantly worried about those who raised you?
This isn’t about complaining.
It’s about naming the hard.
It’s about saying: I’m trying my best, but some days feel heavier than others.
And if you are here too - straddling the roles of parent and child - know that you are not alone.
Let’s talk about this more.
Let’s make space for this kind of exhaustion - the kind that comes from loving too many people in too many directions, all at once.
And maybe, just maybe, we will find comfort in the shared silence between our words.
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