The day I Let Go of a Friendship I Outgrew

Letting go isn't the end. Sometimes, most times, it is the kindest beginning. 

It was a regular day, I think a wednesday, mid of a week, when I suddenly realized something, that I have been ignoring or avoiding for months.

It struck, that I was no longer myself around her.

Around her? Yes her my friend for years.

What all we shared?

Literally everything.

Food, secrects, joy, grief, jokes that we found funny and what not.

She was that friend, who knew how I like my tea, what I would order at any restaurant or where I would like to eat. That kind of friend I thought and had imagined to be around, would be with me, will stand next to me in every important moment of my life. 

But lately, our calls had become shorter, awkward. Whenever we met, especially in the recent times, it feel like I was performing: choosing my words very carefully, tiptoeing around topics, laughing at things that didn't feel funny. 

And, I noticed something I couldn't unsee - I always left those conversations smaller sometimes belittled too. 

For a long time, I told myself, this was a phase.

" She is going through a lot."

" I probably overreacted".

" This is just what happens when life gets busy."

But the truth was harder and quieter:

We were growing, but in different directions.

And I was holding on out of memory - not out of meaning.

The Turning Point

One evening, we were having  a conversation.

She criticised a decision I had made - not in a soft concerned tone or in a loving way but with that sharp tone that I had started hearing more often recently. 

I explained myself gently.

Instead of listening, she dismissed it.

It wasn't the disagreement that hurt. It was the ease with which she invalidated my growth - like it didn't matter at all.

I remember sittng in the EMU platform, hugging to my bag tightly and staring at the distant light of the train approaching, not even realising untill my collegue nudged that its my train. 

That's when it hit me:

I was staying in this friendship, not because of who we are now, but because who we used to be.

Letting GO Gently

I didn't send her a dramatic message.

I didn't confront her or demanded an apology.

I just - stepped back. 

I stopped initiating.

I stopped making myself small. 

I started reclaiming the energy I had been pouring into trying to " FIX" something that had quietly expired long ago.

And something beautiful happenned.

I didn't feel angry.

I felt relieved.

Not because I didn't care anymore - I did. I still do.

But because I was finally making space for relationships, that felt safe, kind and mutual.

WHAT I LEARNED???!!!???

Letting go doesn't always mean clousure.

It means choosing yourself without guilt.

It means realing the need to explain your peace to someone who is no longer ready to accept your heart and feelings.

I still wish her well.

But I dont want want to go back. 

Because sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for a relationship - is to bless it and walk away.

GENTLE REMNDER - MY DEAR READERS

If you are holding on to someone out of obligation, memory or fear - ask yourself twice: 

Who am I becoming in this space?

If the answer is " LESS OF MYSELF", maybe its time to loosen your grip.

This Let Go, is not due to anger but because of the Love - for them and for you.